Drugs for Days

Ah, isn’t it always fun to visit the OBGYN? I used to think yearly visits were a pain until we started dealing with all of these infertility issues, so when it was time for my yearly exam, I was kind of grateful to just go to the doctor like any other normal girl. I got to the office, hid my underwear inside of my jeans (why do we do that? as if our underwear is too much for the doctor to see?), and pretended like this was just one of those things that every girl has to do once a year. It was nice to be in the group of normal, you know?

If you haven’t experienced any type of infertility issues before, dealing with them makes you sort of feel singled out, sitting in the office, waiting to discuss why you can’t do what everyone else can do normally. I know that that’s not true – there are millions of women who struggle with infertility to some degree, and no one has ever made me feel insignificant because of it, but it’s a strange sort of blame I place on myself. I haven’t quite figured it out yet, or how to work through it, and I’m hoping that I will soon, or that maybe I won’t have to. Either way, I was happy to go in for my normal, every-day-girl, type of exam.

I’ll back up for a quick second in case you’re seeing this for the first time. You can read the whole story in my previous posts, but I’ll share the cliff notes version. In December of 2014, I stopped using my Nuvaring in preparation for the process of “not not trying”, and since that time, my monthly cycle has never returned, therefore making it very difficult to time any type of testing, medications, etc. I was not ovulating either. However, after using Clomid, I did start ovulating, but still not having a monthly period. My doctor asked me to gain a little body fat, as he suspected that I didn’t have enough Estrogen to ovulate on my own and induce that monthly cycle. Since then, I have been working to gain weight/body fat, but it’s been a very slow pace, mainly because I refuse to compromise WHAT I’m eating in order to do that.

My doctor prescribed me a medication called Provera, which induces a bleed (monthly period) sort of kick-starting a cycle, in order for me to take the Clomid, do the testing, etc. I had tried it twice before with no luck, so he sent me home with several refills, and asked me to wait a few months, while putting on a few pounds, and try it again.

Back to present day – I have gained 2 pound since that appointment in July, not a ton, but a big jump for me, so I decided to give the Provera another try. The medication is taken for 5 days, and then you SHOULD expect a period within the next 10 days. I had just finished the Provera when I went in for my yearly exam. Even though it was a “normal” appointment, we still talked fertility and progress, and I mentioned that I had taken the Provera and was waiting for good things to happen. My doctor thought that it was time to pick back up with the Clomid, and this time, added in an Estrogen supplement following it. His thought was that if I can supplement the hormones that I’m lacking, my body will pick back up on it’s own cycle, and will believe that it’s capable of “housing” a human, which would in turn, allow for me to get pregnant.

I like this treatment plan. Well, let me pause. If you’ve ever taken Clomid, you know that LIKE is a strong word – I don’t know about everyone, but the side effects of this medication are STRANGE, am I right?! Maybe it’s a preview of what pregnancy will be like – but my face was covered in more acne than a teenage boy, I went through extreme hot flashes, mainly at night, and I just overall felt like a nutcase – crying one minute, laughing the next, screaming at my husband because he didn’t eat the lunch I packed him (okay, that last one isn’t far off the from the normal Olivia). Anyway, for the most part, this plan seems logical and easy enough for me.

He was really hopeful for great results, and said that he would guess we had a 70% chance of getting pregnant in the next year using this regimen. That was compared to the less than 10% chance he was giving us doing it on our own.

The best news?! Just 2 days after that appointment, the Provera worked – and a very small but still totally there period came! This is the first time in months that I’ve really wanted to think about this – but now I feel a restored sense of hope and peace about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m dreading this current round of medication, but every time we go through more appointments and get more information, I am reminded of how much we want this. It’s easy to forget, I think. Maybe not for everyone, but when I’m being faced with a long string of chores to start a lifelong process of being a parent, giving up your freedoms, and sacrificing, it’s easy to think “maybe this isn’t for me.” But then I’m brought back to reality, and I remember how much we want to grow our own little family, and how much those sacrifices will be worth it one day.

Currently on day 2 of Clomid, so far, the best round yet as far as side effects go, but then again, we have another 3 days to go, so who knows what will happen.

Your prayers for God’s direction and wisdom on this are always appreciated!

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  • Reply Lisa November 7, 2015 at 2:50 pm Oh how the memories come flooding back in whenever I hear someone is taking clomid, those crazy hot flashes and mood swings are enough to make a girl check her sanity. I feel your struggle deep in my bones because I was there, I struggled for 2 1/2 yrs with infertility and until you've walked the walk it's truly hard to explain the roller coaster emotions. I pray that this journey your on will end with that bundle of joy in your arms and infertility is not fun but the reward is great. I had periods but never ovulated (weird) there was a lot of medical jumbo thrown at us and I felt like a test tube but my struggle has a happy ending and I have 2 healthily beautiful boys and I can now say I'm thankful for the route we had to travel because it makes all those struggles seem worth it ( I didnt feel that while going through infertility). I just want to add it's ok to get mad, frustrated and annoyed when someone says it will happen when it's suppose to because yes it will but in the moment it's hard to really want to grab those words and believe it. Best wishes
    • Reply Olivia Grist November 7, 2015 at 3:34 pm Lisa, Thanks for your sweet words! It's so wonderful to hear story after story from those who have gone before me in this fight and won it! I know that God has a plan and that everything will work out how it is supposed to, but you're so right, it's the strangest thing to not know WHAT you're feeling half the time?! It's an internal struggle to figure out which emotion I have at each moment. Thank you for your prayers, I know it's not easy to talk about these things, but I am incredibly blessed to have women like yourself share these struggles and lead the way! Congratulations on your success with those little boys! <3
  • Reply Shelly November 7, 2015 at 4:04 pm I hope this new treatment plan is the right one for you. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope your side effects continue to not be too bad! Best of luck sweet lady!
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